May 27, 2018
Dieting teaches us to love our bodies, right? I mean this is what we are sold in our society!
Struggling with body image? Diet
Struggling with health? Diet
Struggling with relationships? Diet
Struggling with your career? Diet
Struggling with mental health? Diet
Dieting has become a one stop shop for all of your needs. But what happens when dieting teaches you to hate your body instead of doing what it was sold to you for
What is Body Bashing?
Body bashing is continually making negative remarks about your body. This could be within your thoughts or out loud to yourself. The body shaming definition also includes making negative remarks about another person’s body.
Body bashing almost always leads to body hatred.
Body bashing for me would often begin in front of a mirror or when I would hop on the scale. Body bashing would then be fueled by getting dressed or simply by starting the next fad diet.
I would imagine how I looked sitting in my office chair and…body bash
I would take a selfie at lunch and…body bash
I would see an old photo “memory” on Facebook and…body bash
Because of dieting and diet culture I had a completely unrealistic vision of how I was supposed to look. This also led to body comparison.
“Health” to me had a certain look.
“Worthiness” to me had a certain look.
“Success” to me had a certain look.
And as you can guess, they all looked like really tiny bodies.
This “ideal” that the world sold me tore me away from loving myself in the moment. How my day went, and my overall worthiness was completely wrapped up in what the weight on the scale was or how my clothes fit that day.
I didn’t even have the capacity to focus on things that truly mattered to me or self-love.
How the Scale Feeds Body Hatred
In my experience, dieting taught me to hate my body. It taught me to body shame.
First thing in the morning I would head off to the bathroom, give myself a one over in the mirror and start bashing my body.
“Ugh your double chin.”
“Omg those fries from yesterday are really sticking.”
“Ewww I swear my thighs are getting bigger every day.”
I would then hop on the weight scale.
If I didn’t see the number I wanted to, day ruined. I would spend all day bashing my body, bashing my food choices and reminding myself of the fitness goals I would, “never hit at this rate.”
The sad thing is this didn’t just end with letting myself know that I would never hit my health goals because of the number on the scale (thought that in itself was sad enough).
I truly believed that my poor relationships were my fault because I was fat. I believed that I would never truly be successful in my nutrition business if I was fat. I believed that I was not worthy of the life I dreamt of all because of the size of my body.
(I blame those reality weight loss TV shows for that mentality and my body image issues. Remember how everything in their life changed post weight loss?! I bought into that ideal, fully!)
What happened if I saw the number I wanted to on that scale in the morning? Then I would have a good day. I would be happy. There would be an extra skip in my step. I would give myself permission to eat and maybe even permission to not push myself to nausea while working out. I would dream big and loud, because I could have everything I dreamt of in life if I was skinny.
A good number on the scale not only = A good day. It equalled a good life.
How Clothing can Fuel Body Hatred
Getting dressed in the morning was another huge body image trigger for me that often ended up fueling my body hatred.
If my clothes went on easily and my reflection in the mirror pleased me = good day.
If they didn’t though… if they were snugger than usual or if my fat would bulge over or I could see my fat body through the clothes = bad day.
I never considered simply getting rid of the clothes that didn’t fit me to bring about a healthy body image. Oh no, those were “goal clothes.” You know the ones?
I had this idea that if my closet mostly didn’t fit me, that somehow that would fuel me to make the “right” food choices and therefore I would hit my goal weight & size.
As you can imagine, opening my closet every single day to clothes that did not fit my body, fueled my body shame aggressively.
My closet, my clothes would help dictate if I was going to have a good day or a bad day. A good life or a bad life.
Dieting and Body Bashing